Guilty Mommy.. :(

Anak ng patola! I missed 4pm and Yaya have to send me SMS to tell me that it’s already uwian. To think 2nd week palang ni Liam in school and it’s my first time to pick him up.  Yes, I picked him up today with a cab, since di available ang van.  So we need to take a cab. (will be posting about our Cebu set up next time)

I hate the feeling and the thought. I know am being too hard on myself, pero this is one thing I promised I won’t do.  Ang sama kaya ng feeling na nakalimutan sunduin, or nakalimutang dalhan ng lunch. Or mapangakuan ng sundo from your Lola’s house na never dumating.  (sobbing).

Anyway, in defense, I was working and I kept looking at the time. 2:30pm, 3:00pm, then check emails, next thing I know.. SMS from Donna (yaya). KOW!!

Anak, sorry if mommy was a little late kanina, (even if I know you enjoyed it, kasi you played with ate sa field). Mommy and Daddy promise to do our best to be punctual and to be there for you lagi. In every milestone, in every achievement you have. Always know that if ever may time na malate kame or may event that we can’t attend to, for sure may malalim na reason that you will understand. Love you anak.

Affected and Worried

A friend sent me an SMS yesterday which bothers me until today. She expressed that she wants to give up on her 2nd daughter already, how they are having hard time with her whenever she has tantrums. Now she is all stressed up cause her daughter doesn’t want to eat anything but clear soup, cracker and pork floss. Last line of her SMS is what bothered me, she said that if there is only a taker, she will give her daughter to them.

Am like.. WHOAH!! hep! hep! hep! Is she serious? Anyway, I know she have said this only out of frustration. Don’t get me wrong, this friend of mine is really nice and she loves her daughters very much. Pero siguro nga sobrang hopeless na siya cause nothing works with her youngest. She, by the way,  have a daughter as first born too. And the eldest is very mabait. She always follows her mom and she’s very matalino too.

I know being a mom myself that it can sometimes be frustrating. We always want what’s best for our kids and it’s frustrating when ways we know how are not working.  I can remember how upset I was when Liam would throw up every meal. It made me think irrationally and always have doubts on myself.  Buti nalang, nawala ung phase ni Liam na yun, or else, baka naloka na ko now. hehe

I also remember frustration sa sleeping naman, but this, admittedly, is partly my fault. Kasi when Liam was born til around 6 to 7 months, I prefer him sleeping on my chest/shoulders.  I just love the feeling. Aside from that, I rock him to sleep (hele). Problem came about when he is getting heavier na… KOW! sakit sa likod at stiff neck lagi ang abot ko. So we decided to practice him to sleep on the bed.. At nakow! ‘Di sya mabilis. There are times na we will have crying feats.

When he was one na, he got sick. I was so naaawa so I cradled him to sleep and let him sleep on my shoulders again. Naku! parang addiction lang, nagkarelapse! Pero glad to say now he can sleep on his own na sa bed. Minsan pa karga konti, lambing lambing, then he will turn to signal me to put him to bed na.

Anyway, back to my topic, our conversation also made me worried. Why kamo?

Dino and I just decided to have our 2nd baby na. We are hoping that we’ll have a girl but of course, we’re not sure ano ang ipagkaloob ni Lord samen diba? If baby will be a girl, for sure no problem. Everyone’s excited to have a baby girl na.  We’ll need to train and make Liam ready lang to have a baby sister.

Pero what if baby boy!? Baka i-compare sya kay Liam. kawawa naman. Then another problem striked, baka si Liam din mas mag selos since baby boy din or the baby brother will compare himself to Liam growing up. Liam has everything kasi right now. Since isa pa lang sya, we can afford pa more luho for him. Isa pa, he is the first apo/pamangkin in Dino’s side. So well loved talaga. Pano pag may 2nd baby na, more gastos for necessities less luho, and laging hand me down na sya. Haist! (mental note: ipamigay mga luma ni Liam so no hand me downs.. hahahahaha.. Joke!)

I also worry for Liam, baka maghanap sya ng attention, since he was used to be attended by everybody. He is used to sya lang katabi sa bed. Baka di masanay na may kashare and all.

I know these worries are far from reality pa, mas dapat kong problemahin now is makabuo muna. hehehehe. But still diba? I know this will also come from us parents, para walang selos, walang comparison.  We need to instill good values sa mga bata, etc etc etc. Pero tao lang tayo and we make mistakes.

Kaya nga I pray to the Lord to guide us to be the best parents we can be. Na if we’ll make mistakes, not too big a mistake naman na pag sisihan namen ng bongang bonga! For Him to give us the wisdom and alertness na makaisip ng tama lagi. For Him to give us big hearts, to love our kids the way they need to be loved.