Setting Limits Part 2

Well, this is a lighter version of my previous post. Just want to share some synopsis on our daily disciplining lives.  My son is growing up so fast and so witty sometimes it leaves me speechless.  Ako ang napag iiwanan. My styles are always outdated when it comes to Liam.

At night, we always ask him to pee first before we put his nappies on.. one night..
M: Liam, wiwi time!
Liam not following..
M: Liam, don’t wait for me to count to 3 ha.. I will pah pah you.
Liam still not moving..
M: One..
L: Two! Three!
Sabay takbo saken and spank (lightly) me on my thighs and said..
L: Pah pah!
This is the first time I used this style and still am the one who got spank. KOW!

While playing marble one night, Liam was acting to put the marble in his mouth…
M (with a loud voice):  LIAM! Stop that!
Liam shocked with my loud voice, drop the marbles, stood up and went to me on the verge of crying..
M: What did I tell you? (calmly)
L: Don’t put marble in my mouth.. (crying)
M: because??
L:  it’s dirty (still crying)
M: ok let’s play na ulit…
After a while, daddy came out of the shower..
D: Liam, why did you cry?
L: I put marble in my mouth and it’s dirty…
Natatandaan naman pala nya, sana lang palagi. You may wonder how come am more worried that the marble is dirty than he getting choked, we are using big marbles kasi, so it’s not a choking hazard naman.. 🙂

Lately talaga, Liam is really trying his limits.  Even with bad words (see my previous post about it).   He has all the reasons in the world every time we forbid him to do something.  Though, am not saying he is not a good boy. Liam is a good boy I know that, am not saying this because am his mother, but I really can feel it. He has a soft heart and he is not madamot.  He is just being a normal kid who’s going through a phase wherein our guidance as parents is very important.  Pressure!!!

Speaking of “reasons”, one of our dilemmas now is how to interest Liam into writing.  I think a lot of mom’s is going through this pain too. During Liam’s evaluations, T’May mentioned that Liam’s weak spot is writing.  With this, we are so focused on practicing writing with him. We have a goal to achieve.  Pero…

While practice writing with Donna…
L:  I am sad na..
D:  Why are you sad?
L:  I am sad.. waaaah!! I don’t want to write na…
When I got home, it’s my turn to practice with him
L:  I am sad na…
M:  No, that will not work with me, write ka na..
L:  I want to change colors
M: ok, change..
After a few more reasoning, interruptions and side kwentos and with only a few lines written..
L:  Waahhh (faking a cry with blinking eyes so tears will fall) am tired na. I don’t want to write na..
M to Daddy:  Waaaah!! This will be challenging..

Other reasons/interruptions:
– I want to hug mommy
– Where is color Jamenta (Magenta)?
– What color is this?
– I will fix this.
– I will fix that.
– I am a mouse, I will stay outside na lang.
– if all else fails, CRY!

WAAAH!! kaloka lang diba?! Oh well, I dropped it na din.  I realized that he is only 3 yrs old and I want him to have fun.  Dino also told me to let him be na at baka daw matrauma pa sa writing ang anak nya.  As lola puts it naman, let him have fun and he will learn that in school naman.  I believed them and I listened to them.  Well, aside from the fact that writing is his parent’s least favorite too.. hehehe.. How could I force him to do it, when my writing homework was all done by my loving sister (Thanks Judz! 🙂 )

Asked him what he drew, he said: "That's daddy cicada, this is mommy cicada" :)
Asked him what he drew, he said: “That’s daddy cicada, this is mommy cicada” 🙂

So instead of me having a hard time teaching him writing which he obviously hates, why not reinforce our efforts into teaching something else he will enjoy.  Ang importante is that he is continuously learning new things every day.  So we are learning to count 1 to 10 in Fook Yuen now and we are trying to do the sight words.  Di din sapilitan, pag gusto lang nya. Most of the time, arts!! this is his favorite and syempre free play! 🙂

Hmmm… on second thought, maybe it’s really because am his mother, that’s why I say he will be a good man? If not, e di mali ang pagpapalaki namen diba?!!? And sino ba namang magulang gustong maging masama anak nya, right?!!?

Rant: “Putang!”

It’s been more than 2 weeks now since Liam started using this word and this really is giving me a lot to think about.  Before I proceed I just want to be clear that am not trying to be righteous here.  I myself use this word especially when am really infuriated.  Dino and I grew up in households that uses these words (bad words) freely, use it when we’re angry and irritated (but not at each other or people we love). We also use them jokingly.

Anyway, this all started when Dino got startled and he shouted “Putang..” and stopped in the middle when he realized that it was Liam who was there.  Liam quickly got it and said “Putang!”.  Shocked, Dino told him not to say it again and that it’s a bad word.  Since then, Liam  uses tries to use that word when he sees an opportunity.

Opportunity #1:
One night, he was acting up and does not want to follow, he said “Putang!”, so the topic was changed for him not to say it again..

Opportunity #2:
Lolo was playing with him and pinched him softly at the back..
Liam:  Putang! Sakit!

Opportunity #3:
Every time we’ll get mad, he will said: “Daddy said, putang!”, even if daddy did not say it..

There were already a lot of instances, and he at least say this once a day and daddy telling him not to say it anymore simply doesn’t work. I think, us telling him not to say it anymore elevates his curiosity about the term.  So I tried to brainwash him and change the word..

Liam:  Daddy said, Putang!
Mommy: No, daddy said, put a little more

This made him laugh and repeated the phrase, so I thought the deal is done.  Oh boy, am I wrong, he still uses it. So one time I threatened him with a spank in the mouth (this really scares him)..

Mommy:  Liam, stop saying that word or I will pah pah your mouth na
Liam:  Daddy says Putang… (this is his go to phrase every time we tell him not to say it anymore, as if telling us how come daddy can say it?!? tsk! tsk!)
Mommy:  I will also pah pah daddy if he says it again, do you understand?
Liam:  yes

I thought this worked since we did not hear him say it for 2 days. Then one time at the playground, kids are playing with the cement, they will put the cement on a plastic and throw it up in the air, making the cement burst in the air..
Liam:  Mommy, what are they doing
Mommy:  they are playing with the cement, but don’t do that anak, the cement will get into your eyes and it will be ouch ouch
Liam still watch them intently and suddenly shouted:  “PUTANG!”

I almost hit his mouth right there, but I don’t want to do it in public since I don’t want to embarrass him in public.  So I just give him a grin and told him that it’s not good to say that word.  (Well, wala din naman nakarinig, since other kids are busy playing and the teens are chatting)

Now, he gives interest to all our expressions na like “Grabe!” and “Shocks!”.  He will ask us if that’s a bad word or not.,, hayayayayay! me gulay!! Ano ba ito!?!? How do we explain “bad words” to a 3 year old toddler?  This also strengthen my resolve to be watchful of what I say (well, I hope this is the same with Dino.. grrr..)  Ang bilis na ng pick up nya.  Sabi nga ni lola, “Parang recorder yang anak mo e”.

Hay naku anak, when you grow older, I will not forbid you to use this words…  As long as you know what these words mean and you know the effect of using these words to others.  You need to know when to use it and to whom should you use it and make sure that if you use it, it’s ok na masabihan ka din nun. Golden rule anak, okey?

fuji 13 001

Before I end this post, I’ve been asking my colleagues (matatalino kasi talaga sila, hehe) about studies regarding this (doing the forbidden) nature and here’s a good read about Reactance and Paradoxical Inversion (or what we usually call reverse psychology).  This young, single office mates of mine are also the ones who pointed out to me just now that maybe am not consistent that’s why reverse psychology don’t work with Liam too. Or as the other one pointed out, sadyang bright ang anak ko!??! I like the latter better. 🙂

Setting Limits

I really don’t know how to start this post.  But I want this out of my chest.  I’ve been on a guilt streak these past few days.  I feel I don’t do as much as i should for Liam (learning wise) and for the past few days, Liam cries everyday since we feel that we need to start disciplining him. The latter really breaks my heart.

Dino and I don’t have a very strict parenting style and is permissive at times.  I always see Liam as a baby and I always think that he don’t know that he is hurting us (physically) when he is being super likot or it is not good to eat too much sweets.  I think he is in a stage now where he is testing his powers or should I say testing OUR limits.  There are times where I really want to shake him until he finally listens to us.  But syempre di ko kayang gawin sakanya un no!?

What works right now (for him to listen and follow) is when we start raising our voices or when I will ask him if he wants me to spank him. These styles make him realize that we are serious and angry already.  He don’t like us getting angry at him.   These worries me. I don’t know if tama na mag worry ako.  I don’t want to shout at him everyday and always threat him with spanking that until one day, he’ll not be scared of it anymore.  Ma-immune na sya sa style na yan.

Another guilt issue I have past few days was in teaching Liam.  Liam is a very bright and observant kid.  He learned ABC and 123 even before he turned 1.  He memorized all the colors and shapes (pati pentagon at hexagon) at 18 mos. old.  And he knows some of the antonyms na like big and small, up and down, etc.  All these learning naman never directly came from me, usually sa mga toys and video clips I download for him.

Lately, I feel that he is not learning new things na and most of the time we just play around the house. Even if I want to sit down with him to teach him new stuff like reading sight words and writing, he doesn’t like it. Instead he wants to play and fool around lang. Well, these past few days, he likes jumping and falling around the house like Wipe Out!! Another wrong move from mommy, we are watching Wipeout one night which caught his attention and he asked for 2 consecutive days about it. Being the permissive mommy that I am, I downloaded a few episodes and saved it in his tablet!! Oh no!! yes, oh no! talaga!   (will be deleting it today, as instructed by daddy)

Anyway, I already made resolutions about this learning issue. I just hope that I will be very religious about it.  Will share it na lang if I have started it na and if I can follow it through.   Well, I knew the answer all along, di lang talaga ako nag-iisip minsan.  I just think too much at times, that I tend to overlook Liam’s way of learning.  I forgot that he don’t really participate at first, he observes and once he knows na, then, he participates and leads. 🙂

Haaaay, now I truly believe that motherhood/parenthood is a whole lot of work and napaka-hirap talaga. Unlike sa work, if you don’t like your job na, then resign and find a new one.  If may mali sa mga staff, pagalitan mo or palitan mo.   If plans did not work out, ok lang. Business will still go on.  Saludo talaga ako sa mga Full time mom, and sa mga super hands-on na mommies.

One tip I read from other blogs is to take a deep breath when you know that you are at the edge of breaking (shouting and spanking), count and pray. This really works!! Mommies may have big hearts but we also are only human.  Nawawala din sa sarili paminsan.. hehe

Am really praying hard that God will give me enough wisdom to guide Liam and to bless us with boundless patience.

See how we are? Am already pointing my fingers telling him what not to do, and he gives me a big smile.. oh my my..
See how we are? Am already pointing my fingers telling him what not to do, and he gives me a big smile.. oh my my..

On a lighter note, here’s how our conversation goes at times..
Liam was acting up and not eating his breakfast properly, we tried to persuade him with mellow voices to no avail..
Mommy (with an angry voice):  Liam, eat your bread or mommy will pah pah (spank) you
Liam looked at me with a sweet smile (that melted my heart), sat beside me and lean his head on my arms
M (trying not to smile and laugh and hug him): No, you have to eat
L then took a bite on his bread and said:  Mommy, are you happy na?
M: Yes (with a smile)
L start acting up again…
L: Mommy, are you happy?
M (with a serious voice): no, mommy is not happy
L:  waaaaah (cried out loud with big tears and a sad face reached for me and hugged)

Ohhh my my my. How can I start to discipline you when you are being so sweet and so adorable and so sensitive like you are.  Hay, anak if you are reading this, maybe you are laughing at this, but I want you to know, this laughing matter is worrying me so much that I want to cry at times. Pero always remember that mommy and daddy are striving to be the best parents for you.  We may not be right at all times or the best compared to other parents out there, but we pray that in your eyes we are the best.  We love you, anak! 🙂

moalboal family 047