Today, am letting you in a little secret. Earlier last year, my marriage went through a little bump. Nothing too serious naman, no 3rd party, no drugs and no physical abuse naman. Pure Misunderstanding lang that came from stress and adjustment.
Funny as it may sound, it’s just now that we are going through our ‘adjustment period’. Our relationship was more of a relaxed one. Being a couple for almost 8 years before getting married helped us know each other very well. We do have petty LQs , but that only last for 5mins then we’re back to our old loving self na. That’s how we started.
Well, a lot has been going on beginning of 2013, both with work and our family life, when we experienced the ‘bump’. I personally have a lot of things planned out for the year that sometimes stresses me out if things did not went my way. For sure you guys know what stress can do to us.
Anyway, I won’t bug you with details anymore, to keep it simple Dino & I talked it over and we started really working on our marriage. A bit effort lang at first, pero with true love everything is easy and everything simply falls into place. 🙂
I also had some tools that helped us understand each other a bit more. First was the love language test. I first heard about this from my High School friend. She shared this with us after she and her hubby learned it in a marriage seminar (I think it’s the seminar they attended prior their wedding).
It’s how we show our love for another individual. It says that every individual has different ways of showing/feeling love for/from our loved ones. We all have different love languages. That’s why sometimes we and our partners misunderstood each other, kasi we don’t have same love language. There are 5 love languages – Words of affirmation; Acts of Service; Receiving Gifts; Quality Time; and Physical touch. I won’t be elaborating each anymore, I encourage you to try the test. (click here)
After taking the test, it came out that my love language is Gifts and words of affirmation. It’s not that am materialistic. It’s knowing that my the other person remembers while we are apart. Kesihodang maliit lang ang gift or mura lang. Kahit nga ipitas lang ako ng bulaklak sa garden, kikiligin na ko. It’s the thought and effort that really counts for me.
As for the words of affirmation naman, I think this came about since that is one of the issues I had during the ‘bump” stage. I felt so unappreciated. So maybe while taking the test, nag reflect to. Lucky for me, I was able to persuade Dino to take the test too. It turned out that his naman were Acts of service and Time.
Knowing his love languages made me realize that he was showing his love for me na pala when he tries to help me and every time he asks me to wash or help him clean the car. Cleaning the car kasi became his pass time after we acquire
his our new car. While he does it, I usually do some of my chores then take a nap not knowing maybe my husband also wants to spend some time with me doing what he likes. Anyway, after knowing that, I don’t really helped him clean kasi he’s a bit meticulous about it too, so I made it a point to bring him juice or ice cold water while I bake naman in the kitchen. I don’t take naps na or if pagod talaga ako, I ask him to nap with me instead.
There are also 2 articles that helped me realize my own faults and how to change the way I think. First was the blog post that became viral from Mr. Seth Adam Smith. (You can see the post here) This post really got me, I even shared it in my FB account. It says that marriage is not for us. We marry for the one we love and the family we want to have with him/her. I really encourage everyone to read it. It’s really nice.
Another was an article that my dear friend posted in her FB page. (see here) This is a long list, but what hit me the most was #4 – Don’t Interrupt! I think I do this quite a lot to him, since most of the time, I know how he’ll react to things already and I know what he thinks na. Pero it’s still important that we let them know that we value their opinions. The rest on the list naman, I took note of.
And last but not the least is an advice I got from my dear friend – Prayers and changing one’s mindset. In my case, it’s more of knowing how he shows his loves. Maybe, he’s not the type who sings and writes poems for you (just a sample), but it does not mean that he loves you less right?? E ako nga pinili nya pakasalan diba?!?! And of course, lots and lots of Prayers. Putting all my faith in Him. Am not super religious but I make it a point to talk to Him and always ask for guidance especially when it comes to my family.
Lastly, am not sure what “Happily Ever After” really means. But I do believe in this. I believe that we work on our marriage and our family so we can have a our own “Happily Ever After”. Maybe not early on the marriage but when we get older, when sex won’t do the trick or when dating becomes hard and impossible and when all your kids have their own lives na. You will still have your partner beside you, reminiscing your love stories and telling silly jokes. Or pwede ding holding hands while walking on the beach ang peg. Ang sweet isipin no? I know that day will come for me and Dino. Maybe not HHWW but our Happily Ever After will come. If there’s one important thing Dino have taught me that is it’s normal for couples (married or not) to fight but our love will always prevail and we can always work things out.
How about you guys? Do you believe in “Happily Ever After”?
PS: These are just my thought, others may think otherwise.