I really don’t know how to start this post. But I want this out of my chest. I’ve been on a guilt streak these past few days. I feel I don’t do as much as i should for Liam (learning wise) and for the past few days, Liam cries everyday since we feel that we need to start disciplining him. The latter really breaks my heart.
Dino and I don’t have a very strict parenting style and is permissive at times. I always see Liam as a baby and I always think that he don’t know that he is hurting us (physically) when he is being super likot or it is not good to eat too much sweets. I think he is in a stage now where he is testing his powers or should I say testing OUR limits. There are times where I really want to shake him until he finally listens to us. But syempre di ko kayang gawin sakanya un no!?
What works right now (for him to listen and follow) is when we start raising our voices or when I will ask him if he wants me to spank him. These styles make him realize that we are serious and angry already. He don’t like us getting angry at him. These worries me. I don’t know if tama na mag worry ako. I don’t want to shout at him everyday and always threat him with spanking that until one day, he’ll not be scared of it anymore. Ma-immune na sya sa style na yan.
Another guilt issue I have past few days was in teaching Liam. Liam is a very bright and observant kid. He learned ABC and 123 even before he turned 1. He memorized all the colors and shapes (pati pentagon at hexagon) at 18 mos. old. And he knows some of the antonyms na like big and small, up and down, etc. All these learning naman never directly came from me, usually sa mga toys and video clips I download for him.
Lately, I feel that he is not learning new things na and most of the time we just play around the house. Even if I want to sit down with him to teach him new stuff like reading sight words and writing, he doesn’t like it. Instead he wants to play and fool around lang. Well, these past few days, he likes jumping and falling around the house like Wipe Out!! Another wrong move from mommy, we are watching Wipeout one night which caught his attention and he asked for 2 consecutive days about it. Being the permissive mommy that I am, I downloaded a few episodes and saved it in his tablet!! Oh no!! yes, oh no! talaga! (will be deleting it today, as instructed by daddy)
Anyway, I already made resolutions about this learning issue. I just hope that I will be very religious about it. Will share it na lang if I have started it na and if I can follow it through. Well, I knew the answer all along,
di lang talaga ako nag-iisip minsan. I just think too much at times, that I tend to overlook Liam’s way of learning. I forgot that he don’t really participate at first, he observes and once he knows na, then, he participates and leads. 🙂
Haaaay, now I truly believe that motherhood/parenthood is a whole lot of work and napaka-hirap talaga. Unlike sa work, if you don’t like your job na, then resign and find a new one. If may mali sa mga staff, pagalitan mo or palitan mo. If plans did not work out, ok lang. Business will still go on. Saludo talaga ako sa mga Full time mom, and sa mga super hands-on na mommies.
One tip I read from other blogs is to take a deep breath when you know that you are at the edge of breaking (shouting and spanking), count and pray. This really works!! Mommies may have big hearts but we also are only human. Nawawala din sa sarili paminsan.. hehe
Am really praying hard that God will give me enough wisdom to guide Liam and to bless us with boundless patience.
On a lighter note, here’s how our conversation goes at times..
Liam was acting up and not eating his breakfast properly, we tried to persuade him with mellow voices to no avail..
Mommy (with an angry voice): Liam, eat your bread or mommy will pah pah (spank) you
Liam looked at me with a sweet smile (that melted my heart), sat beside me and lean his head on my arms
M (trying not to smile and laugh and hug him): No, you have to eat
L then took a bite on his bread and said: Mommy, are you happy na?
M: Yes (with a smile)
L start acting up again…
L: Mommy, are you happy?
M (with a serious voice): no, mommy is not happy
L: waaaaah (cried out loud with big tears and a sad face reached for me and hugged)
Ohhh my my my. How can I start to discipline you when you are being so sweet and so adorable and so sensitive like you are. Hay, anak if you are reading this, maybe you are laughing at this, but I want you to know, this laughing matter is worrying me so much that I want to cry at times. Pero always remember that mommy and daddy are striving to be the best parents for you. We may not be right at all times or the best compared to other parents out there, but we pray that in your eyes we are the best. We love you, anak! 🙂